Deep Cleaning, Swiss Style: A Twelve-Step Guide

Ask anyone what comes to mind when they think of Swiss people and you will hear the same answers: rich, hikers, chocolate makers, or that viral video about how to make friends with a Swiss person. Somewhere in the mix is another theme, one that rarely makes the headlines: an obsession with cleaning. It is not a joke, or not only a joke. Switzerland really does run on a shared idea of order, and the house is where you first notice it.

So if you want a home as spotless as your neighbour’s, or simply want a window into life here, make a cup of tea and take notes. New arrivals, welcome. This is a light-hearted guide to deep cleaning the Swiss way, with a bonus at the end for anyone living in, or planning to move to, Switzerland.

Twelve steps to a Swiss-clean house

1. Put the day in the diary. Choose a housecleaning day, weekly or monthly, and treat it as fixed. The date matters less than the habit of keeping it.
2. Leave Sunday out. Sundays are sacred. You do not want the neighbours raising eyebrows because you ran the washing machine, used the vacuum or mowed the lawn. In some buildings the frown is silent; in others it is not, and the social pressure is real even where no rule is written down.
3. Stock up on the right products. Swiffer Dusters and Handy dishwashing liquid are a good start. The more ecological your cupboard, the more your Swiss neighbours may approve, and you can join them in calling yourselves the saviours of the planet. It is a small gesture that buys a lot of goodwill.
4. Clean before things get dirty. This is sage advice, and I will admit I have never attempted it or even seriously considered it.
5. Clean the toilets thoroughly, then mention it. Especially if you are a man. That is what I have gathered, at least.
6. Rescue the spiders. Carry them outside rather than killing them, in keeping with the ecological, environment-friendly spirit of step three. This is a constant struggle in my apartment, where one or two spider saviours live with a person who is terrified of them. Handle with care, my friend.
7. Make guests book ahead. Nobody enters your home without calling first, so you have time to clean before they arrive. Guests on housecleaning day are an absolute no.
8. Keep house slippers for visitors. Offer them at the door so nobody tracks shoes through the flat, however carefully the visit was planned. Good old Swiss home slippers.
9. Hire a professional for the deep clean. Ask about health insurance and track record in advance, or use a reliable service such as batmaid.ch, which ticks those boxes for you. A good cleaner is worth the money, and the paperwork is part of what you are paying for.
10. Tidy before the cleaner comes. You would not want a professional to see the place in a mess, would you? The logic is circular, and that is rather the point.
11. Organise everything extremely carefully. Have you come across extreme organising? It is a real thing here, and it has a beauty of its own.
12. Sit down and repeat. Relax, then start the cycle again on the exact days marked in your calendar. The calendar is the quiet hero of Swiss housekeeping, and the point is less perfection than rhythm.

The bonus for new residents

If you would rather leave the deep clean to someone else, batmaid.ch offers 20 CHF off through this link when you book a professional cleaner for your flat in Switzerland. Before recommending it, I asked my Swiss friend, the same one who sent me the artsy photographs of ecological products, for an honest review of the service.

One last piece of advice

Congratulations: you now know the basics of Swiss life and cleaning like a Swiss. The obvious next move is to visit the neighbours with a bottle of Rivella and invite them to a barbecue in the garden. Whether that is in the Swiss etiquette book, I am not sure. Perhaps the social rules deserve a post of their own.

Until then, enjoy the cleaning, and enjoy Switzerland. The Swiss approach is less about shine than about respect: for the flat, for the building and for the people who share it. If you have more observations about life here, tell me in the comments.

More on Switzerland

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• Things you can get away with if you live in Basel
• Hiking through art from Switzerland to Germany
• Scenic day trips in Switzerland and offbeat Lucerne
• From German to Swiss-German
• Cheese, chocolate and alphorn: a typically Swiss day trip
• Practical tips for planning your first Europe trip