What people abroad ask me about India, and how I answer

Four and a half years of living in Europe have been a second education in how India is imagined abroad. The questions arrive from colleagues, neighbours and strangers in queues, and they cover food, faith, films and marriage. Most are asked with real interest; a few carry a theory picked up from a film or a news report. I try to answer properly every time, and because the same handful keeps returning, I have started keeping a mental list. Some are pure stereotype, others genuine curiosity, and they are worth taking seriously. These are the ones I hear most.

Is that curry?

This one has followed me into some odd moments. It has arrived while I was cooking chickpeas, while I was thawing frozen spinach, and once while I was adding ketchup to a packet of Maggi noodles, which left me genuinely curious about what my friend thought he was looking at. People seem to mean two different things: any dish with gravy, or the spice mixture sold as curry powder.

Curry is a Western word, applied to a blend of spices once the spice trade opened up. What I often think of instead is karhi, a dish my family loves. To answer the question: yes, I use plenty of Indian spices and I enjoy cooking Indian food. No, I do not eat curry every day. The meaning of the word has shifted over the years, as this post on the BBC explains.

Did they show Slumdog Millionaire in India?

Yes, they did. People there like films as much as anyone. What worries me is the second half of the question, the assumption that the film is a documentary. Slumdog Millionaire was a British drama loosely adapted from a novel and set in a Mumbai slum. Please do not take it as a portrait of a country of more than 1.2 billion people.

Living standards differ hugely between city and countryside, and between one region and another. Millions of people do live below the poverty line, which is a serious problem, but slums are not the only kind of housing in India. The country has the seventh-largest economy in the world and a high Purchasing Power Index. So no, not everybody is poor.

You must work in IT?

Being Indian does not come with a job title attached. And if I did work in IT, it would mean I was good at the job and had earned the place, like anyone in any other profession. The last few years have brought a genuine IT boom, and a great many people have trained in engineering and technology to solve real problems. I cannot see why that should be a punchline. Tech workers tend to have other talents too.

Have you met Shah Rukh Khan?

No, and I have never tried. He is one of Bollywood's biggest stars, but two things are worth remembering: there are many other fine actors in the industry, and not everyone in India spends their time trying to meet celebrities.

As for output, a quick search tells me that more than 200 Hindi films were released in 2015, and the biggest hit took around US$93 million. Add the films made in regional languages and the numbers grow further. That is a lot of money, a lot of talent, and inevitably a certain amount of nonsense.

Then comes the songs. People ask why there are so many, and others have tried answering on Quora. Music and dance have been part of the culture for a very long time, and a good song can carry an audience. Some are written purely to be catchy, which helps a film sell. Why some of them are funny, I cannot tell you. That is beyond my control.

Do you celebrate Christmas?

Absolutely. India is a secular country and people observe festivals of every kind. I grew up in Kolkata, singing carols at school each December, shopping for decorations and a tree at New Market, and driving down Park Street at Christmas to see the lights. That is not a small thing in my memory.

Are arranged marriages common? Would you have one?

Finding a partner is a personal decision, and my view is that whatever works for the people concerned is fine. It helps to know that in many cases an arranged marriage means an arranged introduction, a set-up, or a virtual meeting, not a wedding at gunpoint. It is common, yes. Plenty of people elsewhere meet through dating apps and end up in lasting relationships, and nobody finds that strange.

Once two people are happy together, does the way they met really matter? I am at the age when friends are marrying, and I have watched several close friends find the right person. Every story is different, including the first meeting. What matters is that the decision is theirs, made without pressure.

Image: Flickr, George Williams

Do you speak Hindu?

No. I speak Hindi, one of the many languages of India. Hindu describes a follower of Hinduism. An old Census report I came across lists 22 official languages and around 100 others spoken across the country.

Image: indiacharts.wordpress.com

Is everyone in India vegetarian?

Not at all. Only about one-third of the population may be vegetarian. If you are vegetarian and planning a trip, you will eat well and without difficulty. If you eat meat, work your way through the regional specialities: Tunde kabab, Haleem, Rogan Josh, Chicken Chettinad, depending on where you are.

My favourite street food of all is puchka, also called pani puri.

Is it safe there? Are your family and friends safe?

Yes. No. Yes.

I understand why the question is asked; some terrible things have happened in recent years. Those who commit such crimes disgust us as much as they disgust you. What I would ask is that you not treat every man in the country as a threat. Caution and awareness of your surroundings are sensible everywhere in the world, not only in India. My family and friends are safe, and I have no particular fears for them beyond the ordinary worry anyone carries for the people they love.

For anyone travelling alone, this list of the best places in India for solo female travellers is a useful starting point.

I hope something here was new to you. More than that, I hope it prompts a moment of thought about how we see other countries and cultures. Stay curious, but keep an open mind, and try to look at things from where the other person stands.