What Happens When You Take a Trip With Your Sibling

My brother was still at school when I left home for university. What worried him at the time was practical: who would help him with his projects now? Ten years on, I have lived in several cities and he has grown up, and the two of us have settled into the usual long-distance rhythm — a call every few weeks, messages when something happens, and most of everyday life left unshared.

One month out of twelve in the same place changes that. You notice what a phone call cannot carry: how his moods move across a week, what he has taken up, what he has quietly dropped, the current playlist, the habits he has collected since you last looked properly. A trip together speeds the whole process up. You get the familiarity of a companion you have known all your life, and the surprise of getting to know a friend.

Photograph: Aaron, nomadsnation.com.

Six things that come with the ticket

1. You bond on unfamiliar ground. The place is new; the person is not. Being somewhere neither of you knows, with someone whose fears and habits you can read without asking, takes a lot of the effort out of it.
2. You discover how much you missed. Sharing a house as children is not the same as travelling together. He may turn out to be as curious about folklore as you are, or willing to sit through an opera you were certain he would hate. His way of dating may amuse you; some evenings you will wonder how two people with such different habits came out of the same family.
3. Train journeys stop being dead time. There is always something to catch up on, particularly if you have not lived in the same city for years. Old family stories and running jokes fill the hours between connections.
4. The family update takes care of itself. Your parents only need one of you to call or send a message. Once they have heard from either of you, they know both of you are fine, and neither of you carries the whole job of reporting back.
5. Nobody is watching. Breaking into a dance or singing badly while making breakfast, or on a platform waiting for a train, costs nothing. He will probably join in, and the two of you will enjoy it more than you expected.
6. Spontaneity is easy to sell. A sibling is the person most likely to say yes to a plan made that morning, which is how some of the best days of a trip begin.

Stefan and his sister Natalie in Mendoza, Argentina. Photograph: NomadicBoys, who also publish a guide to Mendoza.

It is not the same as travelling with a friend

Comfort is not the same as ease. James, who writes about Portugal at Portugalist, makes the case for doing the boring work before you leave.

“Travelling together with a sibling can be great, but it isn’t as simple as it is travelling with your best friend. The key to making it work, I think, is preparation. If you have pre-agreed on what you want to do and made the itinerary together, there’s a much better chance of you both getting to do what you want. When you make plans on the day, it’s very easy for one person to just end up saying yes and not getting what they want. Sometimes, it’s a case that both of you try to second guess what the other person wants. Then, neither person is happy. Other things to discuss beforehand are budget and responsibilities. I’m still working out how you deal with those things though – hopefully someone else can help!”

Itinerary, budget and responsibilities are the three things worth settling in advance. The rest tends to sort itself out once you are there.

Magaly, from BorderFreeAdventures, takes the other view: the friction is part of what you keep.

“Traveling with sisters isn’t always easy- sometimes they get on your nerves- just like they did when you were kids! And that’s part of the charm. You make real connections and unedited memories that carry you through life. And there’s nothing better than getting together and laughing about that time your sister almost got you kicked out of the Vatican for getting your kid to break the rules!”

Travelling with a sister: the arguments usually become the stories you retell.

Three trips, three lessons

Carole, who blogs at Berkeleyandbeyond, took a last-minute road trip from the San Francisco area to Los Angeles with her sister Connie, mainly so they could watch a Mick Jagger video being directed by her son, Dave Meyers.

“I took a memorable trip with my sister Connie once – it was a last-minute road trip to Los Angeles from San Francisco area, motivated by the opportunity to watch a Mick Jagger video being directed by my son, Dave Meyers. It turned out to be super exciting and fun, and we got along well. A spontaneous trip with your sibling allows for little time to fret about the negatives of such an adventure. As Nike says, just DO it!”

Aaron, of nomadsnation.com, comes from an Italian family he describes as crazy and very close, and his rule is the plainest of the lot: only travel long-term with people you genuinely get along with.

“My advice traveling with siblings/family? The same as traveling with anyone else. Only travel long-term with people you seriously get along with. My family is Italian, so we are crazy, but we are very close. That closeness enabled me to feel confident about travelling with them. If you have a decent relationship with your siblings, backpacking with family is my highest recommendation. Travel on Nomads.”

The line I keep coming back to is from Anshita Koul, who also appears as Anshita Crazy Koul on YouTube:

“We may grow up or grow old to the world outside of us but never to our siblings. Your brother or sister is a living caricature of all your inside jokes and childhood memories and grown-up dreams. The time freezes when you are with your siblings, just like in this picture.”

Crazy siblings. Photograph: Anshita Koul.

Nobody is watching, so nobody is judging.

What to agree before you go

• Build the itinerary together rather than presenting one. A plan made by one person and agreed to by the other is where the quiet resentment starts.
• Talk about money in numbers: a daily budget, and who pays for what. Different budgets are workable; unspoken ones are not.
• Split the practical jobs. One of you books transport, the other finds places to eat, and neither spends the trip feeling like the assistant.
• Leave a few hours unplanned each day. A sibling will forgive a lot, but not a schedule with no gaps in it.

There will be an argument. There will also be the moment when one of you does something ridiculous and the other is the only person alive who finds it funny in exactly the same way. Friends drift with time; a sibling stays on the other end of the phone for decades. A trip is a good way of giving the two of you something new to talk about.

Where have you travelled with a brother or sister, and for how long? Tell me in the comments.