Before You Go Abroad With Someone New

The first trip with someone tests a kind of compatibility neither of you has had to practise. The excitement is real, and so is the uncertainty: you have not yet seen how this person handles a missed connection, a shared bathroom, a bill, or eight days of your company without a break.

None of that is a reason to stay at home. It is a reason to spend an hour talking before you book. Here is the advice we would give a friend in that position.

Agree the shape of the holiday first

Hiking weeks, city breaks, cruises and beach holidays run at different speeds, and most disagreements start with two people assuming they have booked the same one. One of you may love walking and have done something like the Camino de Santiago; the other may never have taken a holiday that involved a rucksack. People walk the Camino for spiritual, cultural or personal reasons, and the routes vary a great deal in length — the Camino Portugues is a popular one. That sort of detail belongs in the conversation before flights are booked, not after.

Managing expectations early is the whole point. Neither of you should reach the airport expecting a different holiday. If one of you is dreaming of Greece at its best and the other has been reading about places to see in Italy, better to find that out now.

Compromise is the job, not the failure

Activities, restaurants and how late you stay out all need negotiation. You may have different budgets and different dietary requirements, and you will certainly have different ideas about dinner. The system that works is to take turns: one of you chooses today, the other tomorrow. Say out loud what you expect before you leave, because the alternative is discovering halfway through the week that you have been on two different holidays in the same place, and feeling awkward about it.

You will probably give something up to keep the other person happy. That is fine as long as it runs both ways. A trip where one person always yields is not a compromise; it is a resignation letter with a suitcase.

Build in time apart

Even a short trip needs gaps. A morning by the pool, a walk on your own, an hour in the shops while the other person does something else — none of these mean the holiday is going badly. Being together from breakfast to bedtime is a lot, even with someone whose company you enjoy. If neither of you wants separate time, that is fine too; just say so and agree it, rather than assuming.

Four questions to settle before you book

1. What is the daily budget, and does it cover meals and entry fees?
2. How early does each of you want to start the day?
3. What is the one thing you each refuse to miss?
4. Who is booking what, and how will you split the costs?

If you are walking a route together

A long walk is a particular kind of test. Daily distances, rest days and the pace you keep are easier to agree in advance than to renegotiate at the end of a long day. Walking the Camino with someone else works best when both of you know how far tomorrow is. The same applies to any trip with a sibling rather than a friend: what happens when you travel with your brother or sister is a different set of dynamics, and worth reading before you pack.

More from Europe Diaries

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• An epic southern Tuscany road trip itinerary, from a local
• Europe trip planner
• What to do if you are pickpocketed while travelling
• The best gifts for travel lovers
• Tips for travelling solo

Once the plane has gone, most of this sorts itself out. Being abroad with someone, in unfamiliar places and close quarters, can be intense, but it is also how friendships deepen and how you find out who stays calm when a train is cancelled. Agree the shape of the trip, share the decisions, leave room to breathe, and you will come home with a mix of shared memories and your own.

What are your top tips for a first trip abroad with someone? Let us know; we would love to hear from you.

Disclosure: this is a sponsored post. The aim is still to help people explore Europe as well as possible, so questions and comments are welcome.